Defy?

Defeated
I stood
Trying to blame the winds
And the waves
Leading my sails to take the boat
In the waters, so troubled
Let me not
Defy
The dictate of my conscience
Any more
Let me close all
The holes in the sails of my boat
Navigation will not work
Rowing will nt take me closer to the shore
Let me quietly
Withdraw into cocoon
Of clear calls
From within