Month: July 2006

it rained last night again,
and washed away the footprints
on the sand of sad silences
sprayed on the path
that i had walked with you
once
now, do not remind me of the chatter of birds
who have not forgotten
my daily chore of feeding them
one by one
in the way they want
but still i remain
in wait
for a bird
that has nested
far away
among dark clouds
but on a tree
full of fragrant
flowers
that i prayed for

till when will these flowers wait
i wish to offer
to you every day
but then in your anxiety to be fair
to all devotees
you turn me always away

some times you remind
me of all the past affection
that came in my way
and some times
you observe
how insistence
never pleases you, come what may

i have tried and tried so hard
but could never understand your
wish, any way
my flowers will wither
and new crop may take long to come
will you let me at least come,
even if i keep my hands empty and
just pray

look away, so that i may steal a bit
i may rob some clouds of their sparkle
i may seduce the breeze
and make her change her mind
and direction
pl look away
do not burden me with
halo of adulation
it hurts
it distracts me from my vulnerabilities
just as dear runs here and there
and always misses
its own fragrance

my power
is my weakness
and let me be weak
but then please look away at least
your gaze constantly reminds me
of the curatins
that must hang over the windows
when i change
from cloack of power to
submlime sheets of misrable nothingness

packing the imaginations away
bundled into a bag
you had given me
to keep thigs safe
but i warned you
not to give me this beautiful bag
u did not agree
look
what have i packed into it
all your memories, neatly pressed
and polished
but i hope your bag will help
me keep them tightly held
away for present
and may be some day
when i get old
as you said, i might need them
will this bag hold
it for me till then

falling into a river
was like jumping over a ray
of light
passing through my courtyard
every morning
more i try to see the light
less i have it
it changes every time i see it
can i close my eyes
and escape this change
at least
for a few moments
lying at the bottom of the river
dead, still
and gone

the day i become realistic,
i think, i will cease to exist
why are you asking me to
walk on the same earth
which some times has drought of desires
and some times floods of tears
why not give me a new earth
that will have valleyes of blue flowers
of the same colour that you wore when you left
these shores for new harbours
like a ship
whose sails had not opened
when breeze came
and there was a chance that you could come back
now i am waiting to go to himalays
and hope that some cliff will kiss me
and embrace me so hard
that i become a rock in her arms
and a river flows washing
all memories
that shape my
moods
and meandearings
you never dissauded me from wandering around
in the forest of faith
and now you ask me to
keep quiet, and wait
just as the snow does
till the whole world becomes warm
by the coldness in your heart

afraid of asking questions, do not use masks
they will get washed away
in rains
but then who does not wear masks, some wearthem
and some have grown these on their skin
even rains can not wash
do not curse clouds for being benign
what could they do,
they can not fall in love with lightening

why do always make your chosen devotees

suffer the most

i know you have no answer

except syaing that in suffering

we are not afraid of intimacy

but then i have never doubted

your grace

why am i asking this question

has my faith been eroded

or is it that i am not willing to accept your rules

or is it that i want to be pampered,

you decide,

as if you will not, if i did not permit, Ah!!

the desire to go home

has bothered some birds  for mellenia,
they wish to go back,
to the same corners where
they had a few moments alone
in confidence and of
all pretentions, shorn
why do i wish to go home,
smell of the same chemistry
in the kitchen
my mother’s miracles
or my fathers’ indifference
to smell
but not sentiments
to style but not substance

when the stains of the silence

stick to your scarf

you do want to wipe

the face or forehad

on which pespiration sparkles like the stars

that have fallen

from a broken sky

i am not sure

if i need to extend

my arms so that you can lean and rest

or should  i just stand and observe

how you face

the fatigue

of met expectations,

so long as unmet desires drove your chariot

you were in command

now that you have met your end

why have you lost the command?