Month: April 2009

you complain when i remain silent

you miss my voice

my words full of inanities

my gestures

signifying

surrender

but why do you miss me

i am around

all the time

in every smile

that you see

on any face

without rancour

without expectation of any reciprocity

KaLi  my offerings are still small

but every time you accepted these

these became large

today when i am unable to enter your temple

not because the doos is locked

but because i am lame

i offer you these flowers

just a few fallen flowers

accept these

i did not pluck these

because you like the nature as it is

rhythm of life is random

said the strings on your sitar

but i could not have  come to your door

if the method in the madness of the melodies

had not been so systematically devastating

i am not worried

that the randomness underlying your moods

has given way now

but i am curious to know

why do you remain so unsettled

always when you are about the ride the boat

in the sea of  uncertainties

Why would you risk implanting such costly seeds

 

Could not be a good husband

Could not be a  good father

Could not be a good friend

What could I be then?

 

Could not be a good walker

Could not be a good runner

Could not be a good bystander

What could I be then?

 

I did try to be a good teacher

I did try to be a good activist

I Did try to change this world

And could I do that even?

 

I know you have meant some thing precious

Every time you have fought with me

I know you care for me

I know you teach me always to be more human

More fair and more just

Knowing that that might cost you dearly

Why would you risk implanting such costly seeds

In my garden

Knowing how bad a son I proved to be

Will you mother me to improve

Will you take me in your arms like

Another child that you have to rear

Will you help me to live again

Will you nurture me always

Will you sow some flowers but also thorny plants

Around my grave

Will you remember that I prayed

Every time I ever prayed

Not just for me but for you

 

That is all I can say without any doubt

Without any dilemma

Without any dilution

I have learned what it means to be there

When some one needs you, ( here)

 

Complete presence is what makes the life so meaningful

 

 

When you scramble eggs on your kitchen table,

Water in the jar also trembles

The rays of sun peeping through the kitchen window

Waver, actually they don’t

But your face stirred

by the act of making eggs lose their form,

Makes these rays appear so,

Why do i see all these moving images

But not the little dark spot

in the iris of your eye

which keeps moving left and right, top and bottom

To figure out the complete presence,

And on not finding it,

stops searching it

You do not like my picking newspaper

At breakfast table

I respect that,

that is the natural thing to expect

Complete presence is what makes the life so meaningful

And I have been denying this to you for so long

On one pretext or other,

Being genuinely busy, as it were

And being busy effortful, effortlessly

 

 

4.03 april 3 09

Each with its own quota of insanity

 

 

You said I divide my life in spaces

Separate from each other

Each with its own quota of insanity

But also specific norms that are sanctified

By the urge to keep them separate

True I do that

But why do I do that

Honesty is not some thing you doubt

It is also not some thing I will ever violate

And yet I falter

You falter

We all falter

But the nature does not often

And even when it does

Like an autopoesis design

It corrects itself incrementally

As we do all the time always

But imperfectly

Some times half heartedly

Denying it and yet doing it

Let us resolve

To pursue  insanity

Wholeheartedly

 

touch becomes a touchstone

 

wHen does a touch becomes a touchstone

when it creates a moment into a monument

of serenity that defies a definition

donot ask me why does that happen

do not ask why should that happen

the moments of love are always undefined

and any effort to measure them will make them evaporate

do not just let them go away

like the particles of dust in a storm

that made the ship of your dreams go astray

but what is important

is to have a dream

and actually many dreams

no matter how many gather dust

when you go away

for ever and ever away

from here there and everywhere

 

 

We can not win on all fronts

 

When i could not be with you my son

I have thought and thought very deeply

About the faith that you put in some one

Who could not rise to your expectation

Forgive her

Forgive yourself

And take charge of life

We can not win on all fronts

We have never done that

To be a good human being is no less a challenge

And let us just focus on that

Let my prayers be with you

Whenever you see your son

Tell him that there is a lot of love

In this world

For him to partake

Never should he be stingy in giving away

Whatever he loves

Just in order to make others happy

Meaningful in their pursuits

Without a need to justify

Without a need to defend

But just be always

A good friend

a very good friend

 

April 3, 2009

jab akeley chalti ho

 

Tum kamjor jab akeley chalti ho

Kabhi kisi ko, kabhi kisee aur ko pakadti ho

Lekin ek nishtha aur wishwas hai, jisko saath sada rakhti ho

Kya uska samman hua

Iski kahan chinta me padti ho,

 Lagatar,bas, lagi ho is abhiyan mein

Kaise sudh lo meri

Kaise karo mera jeevan sarthak

Kaise kshama karo

Un sab kshano ke lieye mujhey

Jinmeein poora, pora ka poora samarpan

Jo hona tha tumhari chaukhat par,

Na hua, na hua poora

Lekin bahut adhura bhi na laga tumko

i devoured all that i could

in a way that there were long paths

connecting my world with

in which you live,

but then i had an old tree trunk to explore

now you copmplain that why did i do

such a good job

did not leave any trace of tree

but in every grain of my hill

which you rever otherwise

is not that tree always present