anil gupta's blog

after a long pause
you asked me
did i hear
and i actually did not
so i asked, can you tell me again
and you said, leave it
silence then sullied the readiness
i had seen in your eyes
for walking on the sea shore
but i forgot that
you did not like water too much
now
some how,
i gathered the wits
and asked again
i now recall what did you say
you asked,
how do i know if i did not hear
i also do not know
if i did not hear
or i heard but did not know that
i had heard it
i am forgetting the index
of what i hear and catalogue
can you let me live with this forgetfulness

do we have a choice
you said
i do not know

be there
still
just wait
but i know you can not
you have to flow
through the flame of faith
and corridor of quiet and warm meanings
dont stop
i will catch up
after all,
i could not for so long. but now, our gate is in sync
let us flow together

there was a lot of pain all this while
when you kept quiet
and also when you spoke
now , silence alone can heal
let the river flow
and breeze not get halted

the cracks in the surface
on which you wanted to build the
edifice of your hopes
were visible to eyes, so young still

but we could not see them
for so long
will these eyes ever forget our difference
i hope they do

in that dark alley
we had touched a truth
while walking through a forest
with fallen leaves
making crackling sound every now and then
as to remind
that kingdom of silence had not been reached
yet
i know
and you to
that there
we dont need words
nor do we open eyes
we just absorb
the truth
of intimacy
wrapped
in a shawl of silence
but transparent
now the shawl is soiled a bit
words are no more what they used to be
i understand
it is ok
we can weave another shawl
someday
when our breaths would have spun enough yarn
of patience and tolerance
today it is in short supply
but only today

karuna ki parakashtha
wo kshana
wo sihran
wo sparsh
wo saans ki dhumil dhwani
wo chhoti si baat par tunakna
wo bahut badhi galtion ko
bhoolna
wo
chup chap
meri udwignta ko sehna
wo befikri ke saath galey lagna
wo sanjeendigi ke saath sab kuchh samjhna
shabdo ke aavaran ke bina
artho ko apney hriday mein atmsaat karna
wo sparsh
wo kshna
kya wo bas ek kshan hi tha

I didn’t know
That
Tears were torn
Between an authentic urge
And a make believe
Web of excuses

But it doesn’t matter now
The banks were broken
River did flow but
Now drought of desires
Has made both
Irrelevant
But still
Let us accept

Some sparks are left
Of smouldering coal
In the fireplace
Of a cardboard hut
We made
May be some day
While walking alongside the sea
It might catch fire
And burn us

Go away
Quietly
The carrier of
Virus of voyerism
In your womb

Go away
dont look beyond the prairie
Edge
The dried lake

Abandoned hut
Music of forlorn lovers
Is played
Here
Every dark night
Come and listen to that
Absorb the joy
Of non reciprocal love
Faith without expectations
This world has become
Too calculative
Fur my taste
Grow out of the bonds
Our trust created
Go away
Go
Away

Why are we here
To stand, pause
And just stare?
Or wait
For a whiff of fresh air
Thoughts that surprise
Flowers that have no price
Grow In the garden
That is manured
By the tears uncalled
A journey to nowhere
But stalled
I m now
Here
Thanks to the steps
I faltered
You stopped
And halted
The sway of a storm
Untamed and
With a mind of its own

When I was in pain
I was born again
You sculpted me afresh
In the rain
When I was in pain
The clay dissolved
The North Star moved
A bit away
From its well settled
Position, it held its sway
Now I m here
In pain again
Why have I suffered
The redeeming healing
Is it the fear
Of losing care
The truth
That I may not dare
To say and share
But why will I hide
The remarks you made
Vicious and snide
But does it really matter
Who cares, what will a pod scatter

Seeds ripe to sow the pain
Again
You sculpt me in the rain
You sculpt me in the Rain