anil gupta's blog

i know
you wanted to twine around the tree
weakness of trunk
was your complaint
but then
that’s the way it was

i heard some whispers
last night
the drops of intermittent rain
seemed a bit unsettled
the queue was long
at your altar, O Kaali
but i waited
till
whispers in the air
told me your wish
and i turned back
i had to meditate more

did i ask
even if you did not tell
the long shadows
short changed memories
the crawling insects
on the fissured barks
of a lone tree
in a moonlit night
did not eat all that they could
they were persuaded
that some had to be left
for burning the funeral pyre of
those words
just words
i had heard on that night
when creative urges
and boundless energy
were strewn all around

why do i remember you so much
O kaali

why are clouds feeling so compelled to rain
only in a garden too far from here
why are winds so anxious to sway all the dried leaves
away from my garden
why can not white ants fertilize roots of the tree
under which i prayed for your coming back
what has happened to the curtains in my window
they dont even make a pretense of covering my tears
will you still come back O Kaali

stir the jar
why keep it still
so long
be there, is it too far
but keep the door a bit ajar
one never knows
when our paths turn
and door becomes a window

am i waiting in vain,
but how can any wait ever be in vain
dont we reflect
dont we question
dont we reinterpret
every memory is renewed
seeds of self doubt sprout
we nourish them by waiting
why should any wait be even in vain
let me wait
even more

Vain are the ways of words,

I wish I knew how to walk on this

Disrobe the moment of its covers,
what is left is meanings without words,
self or others

Tears are rivers in which boats of desires
are allowed to lose their way

In wait
So what
The storm is brewing
Inside
I remain quiet
So what
Don’t bend
O branch of a tall tee
Spring is not too far
It is going to rain
Don’t say again
So what

so far away
you come from
o sand miner
deepening the heart of river
now that it flows faster
but holding lesser
what can you do
o sand miner
you have to mine sand
so what if time can not withstand
this onslaught
all that is offered
so generously by the flow here
what can you do
but u have to live
river also wants to live

loops of life
so what
if there so much strife
when did she pause
when did she ask
if it mattered at all

because
loops of life
so what if there is so much strife

let me drink the nectar
at your feet, O kaali
once again
without a let
and go
i will stay here
so what
if these loops of life
spawn
so much of strife