anil gupta's blog

when the detours of diehard river didn’t reconcile
what was not tallying
in the account book of
a time trader
i asked him, declare me bankrupt,
will that help you
tell me
i cannot pay back
all the debts that i incurred
when you were around
regardless
of the banks being dry or wet
waves settled or unsettled
following their own rhythm

is not it true that
we are often too sure
of what we think, do, know and feel
but then have not we often faltered in doing so,
why are then we so sure

it is not easy to be prudent
taken in by the  tensions of desires that delay
and the trust that will sway
pendulum of moods,
i am aware of the fire
and the ice that burns slowly and then gives way

you had decided to take away
all the curtains from my home
while leaving it the other day
but you left so many other weightier things behind
did you want to see through the windows
whether i had cried
when the garden on the top of a hill
was denuded
the view from the top might not have been clear that day
lot of clouds had decided to come in the way
they rescued my tears 
the dance of my tears was not witnessed
by the golden gaze of those eyes
which have now turned away
very far, for very long

when the curtains had already been taken away

when the drops were bolder,
they fell slowly
why do they love each other so much
why are they not able to live away from each other
why have they made a nest in the corner of my eyes
why have they decided to appear when they like and
disappear when i don't like
but sometimes they appear when i don't want them,
are they the doors of my heart
which opens at will and allows winds of pain
to come unabated
it seems they have been unhinged
they have not realized that i will swallow them
all of them
and not leave a trace
even if eyes betray, and the reflections dont stay
any longer, here, there or any where

march 16, 2011

dont through so many stones in this lake,
it has a tenuous contract
with its banks
who knows who gives way

may be smiles have littered your path

all the way
from where you started
but you know
it is not easy
how to sweep the floor of shadows
of smiles that you borrowed
from the womb of volatile volcano
of wishes unfulfilled

may you get your share of smiles
always.
else
volcano will erupt and its ash will scatter
over your garden

from which will sprout

so many memories
soem full of smiles
and some
let me leave that

why did you tear that page
just because you did not like
what i wrote on it
you tore it
will you tear all pages
from your life
on which i had written with my breaths
the lines which you can not recite even now
you could never recall them

dont play that music any more, it cuts through
all the curtains i hung
all the walls i erected around my fortress
dont let night creep into this fire room,
always lit so intensely
lest no shadow shows up on these walls
dont sing so intensely, o river, flow away
just flow away
why tell me the toll of rocks you broke on the way
the culverts of love you swallowed

banks of patience you overcame with your persistence
dont tell me, river flow away, flow away
just flow away

dont chase me, o shadows
you know
that whenever
you are behind me, i have to have light in fornt of me
but now, come in front of me,
so that i can leave
lights behind me

will you grow without knowing
what it means to be together
with those who
bless without any price
of the smiles they shower
why have you been trapped in the nest
that is perched on such a far branch