anil gupta's blog

did i know why i longed
for your attention, Ma kaali
was it your grace
was it your meaningless anger
and a rare remorse
was it for your kindness
even when you knew i did not
deserve it
was it your faith
i love you
adore you
respect you
revere you
and worship you
so that you
may always
show me the way
whenever u notice me losing it
and lose i may
time and again,
if for no other reason
then to get your attention,
dont you ignore the rule bound-ones,
always, persistently

dont ask me to prove,
more i will try
more you will accuse me of lies
treachery
and deception
but that is true for any one,
assertion of earnestness
makes one look like a fool
but am not a fool

aaj koi sainani haar gaya hai
kisee chetna se ek kshana paar gaya hai
us nistabdh ninrnay ko mat phir se uthao
kisee niyam ki parton ki ab na bandanwar banao
sneha pul kyun bahi hai, kisee pathik ki vyatha
anvarat yatra ke swapn, thaki nahi par uski aastha

ek shaant swar, kuchh thoda sa dar,
aisey mein tumharey aaney ki aahat
aur man mei merey prashno ki chahat
kuchh na keh paney ki hichkichahat
lekin chup sehney ki tumhari aadat
ek shant swar

aaj phir se hui hai achanak thodi ghabrahat
kya shabd jal se mukt ho payega antarghat
seemaon se paar jaati chidion ki chahchahat
sandhya dhooli se jyun ho varsha uthghatit
ek shant swar

tumhara aagrah, mere peedha bodh se trast
kisee ankahi katha sa, ek dandwa hua parast
nichuda hua sankalp, hara man, hua abhyast
kaisa abhas, kaisi nishtha, aur ek poora suryast
ek shant swar

—————————————————————————–
an ode to ma Kaali-II
will u forgive me O Kaali ma again
for all those trespasses
that absorbed the tired tears
no simmering
no over flown river
yet bridges unsure
will i be able to cross over the passes
among the high mountains
that are witness to my
yearnings beyond words, just
be there. u said, be in the moment

————————————————————————-
don’t ask
why have we fallen
for remedying those pains
which appear
only when we know
remedies are not too far
why should not we thus
go away
let the pain persist
so that we learn to
cope, create
and cooperate
with the doctor

kitney kyuen bharey yahan, aur kitney khodey
har baar tum jab isko bharti ho,
doosara kuan aur gehra ho jaata hai
kirney yugo tak in kyuon ko bharogi, bolo jara
kitney kyuon mein bharney ke lieye
mitti aur pathhar khodogi
kabhi haath mein chot lagegi
khoon bahega
aur dard hoga
aur har us dard ko mehsoos karney ke leiye
mujhey phir kuan khodna padega
tum phir bharogi
lekin har baar jo bhi naya kuan khudega
wo pehley khueny se aur gehra hoga
aur usko merey aansuon se bhar bhi dogi
to kya us kyueny ki pyas bhujegi
kyun jid karti ho
kyun meri pyas bharti ho
kyun pathharon ko tod kar
mitti khod kar
meri haar ko har deewar par
ek ishtihar ki tarah likhti ho
jaane bhi do
meri pyas ko bhujaney ki koi fikra na ho,
koi diya mat jalao
kisee mandir mein puja ab nahin hogi
kyunki bhagwan waha hai hi nahin
wo to kab ka
apney lieye bhakto ko dhundaney
is duniyan mein aa gaya hai
aur kal hi to mila tha
aur usney kaha
kisee ko kamiyon ka bharne ka ashirwad mat dena
kyunki usney mujhey aaknhon mein
chamak baantney ko behja hai
kisee ke kuyen
ko bharta jaun
aur usey majboor na hona padey
aur kyuney khodney ke lieye
sabki pyaas bhujey
uski adhoori na rahey
iseee dua ke saath
meri jid, tujhey alvida
alvida, ho ke khush ho,
kehna merey khuda,

ho poorri teri aarjoo
alvidaa meri jid, tujhey kurbaan kiya
meri pyaas ki arthi par
do diyey jala
tu jaa
ab tu jaa
jaa bhi na

I cant sing as well as you can

I cant dance either

But I can listen

I can absorb

I can hang on the edge of a tendril for as long

As it will let me

Will not complain when I am dropped

Because the vine has to grow

And at long last, it has to show

How much it could have made a difference

If only, some one had held its hand,

Taken it along, on a path

Where every stone celebrates irreverence,

Just the irreverence

and then bury me, do not burn me

When I could tell you the stories

From the bed where I will lie

Not able to describe some of the characters

Who gave me oath of secrecy?

But whose place in the story

Remain etched for ever,

With impressions that they leave

No one ever really measures,

I will sing songs that could be sung by anyone

But whose words will mean

Some thing different to every one

You will quiz me, I will smile

And keep weaving the web, the carpet

Without having any worry about

Who walks on it,

whose worries are trapped in it

forever,

let me just disappear

let me just clear

my table of all tasks, all pending letters

to be written

and then bury me, do not burn me

so that by adding a bit of manure

I will let this world be richer

Rather then be more foggy, more smokey

dissolving you every day, bit by bit

There is nothing else that I could give you

Not even memories you can talk about

Nor the sweet talk that could force you

To turn around

I could not give you a seed to sow

and let you be proud to nurture

dissolving you every day, bit by bit

and letting her grow further

will I put it on my board

for younger leaders of future to know

why should they not ever fall in love

with their kins or even such strangers,

who may demand accounts

of every breath that you, or they borrowed

from the future,

and from the hunters and gatherers