anil gupta's blog

why am i in so much pain
why are my eyes swollen
i want to sleep
in your arms
O Ma Kaali
let me in
but then you have always argued
only those can seek refuse
in your arms
you have lost the need for sleep
have i, how can i,
not yet, not still

will you still let me in
i have betrayed every time
you trusted me
whenever you asked me to stay still
i danced, whole night
on the edge of a hair pin
fallen from your hairs
and now when you asked me toc ome in,
i stand here waiting
bewildered
not sure
if i should come in
do i deserve to be in

when the dust storm had settled
it became difficult to hide the
pain hanging on the corner of my eyelids

i could not have masked teh
shivers of a bird in the cold night
she would not say any thing at all
keep quiet
but then cant i sense the cold
wind that makes her wings so sullen
how will she fly now
may be when sun rises tomorrow,
the frosty night will have been forgotten
wings will expand,
morning will shrink
and the eyes will dry up

why should i aspire
to wash the steps
of your temple
when you have not even blessed me once,
i discover some dust
which must have touched your feet
some time,
and take that as blessings

do i need any thing more
my pain, my anguish
my frustrating persistence
is ;ole only a petal of millions of flowers
offered to you every day
why do i persist
then?

why have i waited for so long
the shadows were with me all along
i was looking for you, but you,
like stilt roots, were supporting
a big roof there
under which a nursery of young saplings
needed you, now that the gate is open
and the saplings have grown up,
will you return to the same cave
in which ancient paintings by our ancestors
reminded us
of talking through
art, form, lines and colours
lest langauge limits what we have to say
had to say,
still say

when the stirrings
could not contain,
the brim was afar
and the lips listlessly waited
for
words
but they were far to seek
silence bridged the gap
between the yearnings and the blessings of the time

you stay there, close the door
and let me not come out
i may come too far
and then gaps may widen

inspired by cross dialogue with designers from japan and Portugal and India in my room

how do i look for ideas,
right to left
as japanese do
no, no
but they write top to bottom,
but then
am i left to write again
what i see,
observe
and mean
the creative impulses don’t move in any direction,
they emanate
from centre to surroundings
but often form margin to the other margin
when will they make
to the center
ah!!
when it shifts to the margin

…..

ek akeli pagdandi, kya kuchh keh pati,
kisko batlati
dard kisee ke gujarney ka,
kisee ke ka na thaharney ka
santap sehlaeti
sara ka sara
agar pedon ne apni chhaya ko
mujhse churaya na hota
kisee ne kisee ko meri paridhi mein
samaya na hota

if you were just to steal,
a few moments,
crime would have been lesser
but you sow them
in the deserts of desires
bury them in the lake of licenses
scatter them in the fields of fond hopes
and then these moments grow
like the seeds of calotropis
wind spreads them afar,
with immense possibilities
of shaping the world, at par,
a little by little, but without
changing any thing inside
the purity of core
a small island
which will not sink
when the sea water rises
am i not sure,
not sure?

What an accident
When a heart can no more cope
The life slips on a slope
And you realise the pain
That had remained frozen
Like a glacier
On a steep mountain
When a time is changed suddenly
The meanings are transformed
You no more mean the same
As you did
When trees flowered
The spring was effortlessly
Shadowing your steps
And then it happened
Heart of someone you loved
Didnt cope with
All the stress you have
When you can’t share
The peaks and the lows we all go through
The summer did not dissolve
But the storm still set in
Now I pray
O mother kaali
May you heal
The fractured paths
Promises and the pursuits
Let us all be sane
And true
To those who we care for
Ever
Always
Future safe