anil gupta's blog

when patches in quilt give way, what do you do

do you collect new patches, or

weave old one afresh

or just find a pretext for leaving them untended

eitherway, you are exposed

and if there is nothing to hide, does it matter

when tears were no more eloquent

the silences filled my room

and i sat quietly

you did not

ask me

i did not have to tell

why should words have to fill in

for the feelings that are  better left

on the edge of a window sail

to dry up, or evaporate or

just burn up when sun is hot

and is not in rush

to set

do i play games with you, O Kaali

when you defy the rules of piety

become angry and only see my vanity

WHAT DO I TELL YOU,

look away and do not waste your compassion

my tears and toil are beyond your comprehension
why should i pray to you in solitude

how can you ignore my fortitude

i have decided to defy you again,

you may warn me, and tell me of pain

that I court time and again, and again

but do i therefor stop asking you to bestow your grace

you try your trusted ones, by embellishing their mace

with all the trials and tribulations

that one has to accept as a part of  your compassion

inzaar mat kaho, yeh kisee maksad ki talash hai

kaun kehta hai, manjil door nahin

bas yahin kahin aas paas hai

wo kaun hai, jisey apni shaqla

sheeshey main nahin nazar aati

unhe agar vaham hai, to bata do,

dar unhi ke chehrey par hota hai,

jinkey dil mein chhupi koi baat hai

khul kar jeena hi bas jeena hai,

koi shikayat kyun karey

kamion ki aur na dekhana meri

inke saath jeeney ka hosala hi to

teri ek sachhi saugat hai

If you are free, then why am i imprisoned

is this a trap

of foregone conclusions

about my place

and the duties it entails

or is it

just the excuse

for pursuing the waves

that have taken their toll

of banks

that waited

for river to come in spate

and then when it became a drought

of desires invain

river quietly vanished

leaving sand to be blown

away

as if, the winds will have

now their way

have seen life slipping away
like a sip
of the cup which was not going to stay
i took my tea and could hardly say
is this what we have learned
to be the middle way

Buddha is not my ideal nor sri rama
i am not worried
about what people will say
i want to be with my mother
and wish her a long life
even if it means
some more
moments, from my friends, will go away

after all, what is that which matters
when leaves are shed
and spring i sfar away
you just become quiet
and let memories  hold
a queer sway

kaali have you smelled the aroma of lost smiles

do you know

whether any one has ever offered you

the bouquet of beliefs

unqualified and undistilled

in your ability to forgive

the encroachers in your garden

have you seen how

the devotees ignore such a bhakta

yet he does not give up

why does he persist with his  prayers

so that you may get time to erase

the pains of every one else

and leave all undistributed curses

in his hands to rever  resolutely

that is the answer of his search

the lone bird will not need any perch

it will sit over a broken tree

that will take a few months to dry

time enough

for an illusion to persist

will u leave the imprints of your anger again

on the carpet of caresses that i had spread

for you to take rest

and leave all the angst

but you have decided to balance

all the actions full of desires

with reactions full of unlimited fires

may be this way, the world will believe

how gracious you are

when ash of my burnt bones
will fly with the winds

and engulf the roots of all the drying saplings

in your garden of  kindness

my tears will irrigate them

and without asking a single question

quietly fade away

leaving no trace

lest you ask

did  i find your test too hard

no, i will not give up

and i will not seek your mercy again,
why else will u choose me

to suffer , so as to be

the only one,

a void filled steps of your temple

so that others can climb and reach you

without hurting their feet

Kali tum phir na mujhey kshama karna

jalney dena

glani ki agni mein,

yuhin jyun tadapta hai, koi mrig bina jal registan mein

aur mrigtrishan ka vardaan dekar, mujhey

saza dena

kya pata, is tap se tumhara man bhar jaayey

koi pathar raam ke sparsh se shabri ban jaayey

lekin meri is jeevan mein bas ek hi abhilasha hai

tumhara krodh mujhey hi miley sabse jayada

main kahun garv se,

mujhsey hi nibhaya tumney ek vada

jab bhi kabhi kisee par gusssa aaya

tumney mujhey sotey se jagaya

aur kaha, utho, ab phir se tapney ka waqt aaya

jo bhi kamaya tha aaj tak,  usko kaudi ka  daam lagaya

mein bhi socha, shayad jab khali ho jaun

tumharey sneha se phir bhar paun