anil gupta's blog

kuchh khayal aisa bhi hai

jiska hisab kuchh waisa hi hai

jaisey kisee ped par amarbel ghani ho gayi ho

kisee ki khwahish ki chhaya mein ek  ummed pal gayi ho

usk dhyan rakho, usko ahat mat karo

lekin amarbel ka hisab bhi to dena hai

jo bhi liya hai udhar us se, usko usey may sud dena to hai

to phir pran tyag do,

chhaya ko baha do nadiya mein

chalo kisee pahad ki choti par

ab jaakar baith jayeyn

jo bhi na kah payey, usko waha jakar gayey

when did i say, i  was not here

did i appear so busy with trivia or was it just the vanity

which prevented me to indulge in a small talk

i am not sure

the irrelevance of what we are

only becomes apparent when

we  are not what we want to be

so be just as you are

and be there where you are

for the presence of spirit

does not need containers of life

nor of any expectation

do not ask me what did pilgrim seek

when she went to the door of forsaken deity

atop a hill

so far away

i only have seen the beautiful weeds

growing in the depressions of her footsteps

in which morning dew had gathered

when the hues change
blues amidst the orange name
what is there in greens galore
some, spread your scarf
under my shadow, o traveller alone
who knows wind may blow
fast again\
some fruits may fall in your lap
wittingly or otherwise
but with no one to blame

you complain when i remain silent

you miss my voice

my words full of inanities

my gestures

signifying

surrender

but why do you miss me

i am around

all the time

in every smile

that you see

on any face

without rancour

without expectation of any reciprocity

KaLi  my offerings are still small

but every time you accepted these

these became large

today when i am unable to enter your temple

not because the doos is locked

but because i am lame

i offer you these flowers

just a few fallen flowers

accept these

i did not pluck these

because you like the nature as it is

rhythm of life is random

said the strings on your sitar

but i could not have  come to your door

if the method in the madness of the melodies

had not been so systematically devastating

i am not worried

that the randomness underlying your moods

has given way now

but i am curious to know

why do you remain so unsettled

always when you are about the ride the boat

in the sea of  uncertainties

Why would you risk implanting such costly seeds

 

Could not be a good husband

Could not be a  good father

Could not be a good friend

What could I be then?

 

Could not be a good walker

Could not be a good runner

Could not be a good bystander

What could I be then?

 

I did try to be a good teacher

I did try to be a good activist

I Did try to change this world

And could I do that even?

 

I know you have meant some thing precious

Every time you have fought with me

I know you care for me

I know you teach me always to be more human

More fair and more just

Knowing that that might cost you dearly

Why would you risk implanting such costly seeds

In my garden

Knowing how bad a son I proved to be

Will you mother me to improve

Will you take me in your arms like

Another child that you have to rear

Will you help me to live again

Will you nurture me always

Will you sow some flowers but also thorny plants

Around my grave

Will you remember that I prayed

Every time I ever prayed

Not just for me but for you

 

That is all I can say without any doubt

Without any dilemma

Without any dilution

I have learned what it means to be there

When some one needs you, ( here)

 

Complete presence is what makes the life so meaningful

 

 

When you scramble eggs on your kitchen table,

Water in the jar also trembles

The rays of sun peeping through the kitchen window

Waver, actually they don’t

But your face stirred

by the act of making eggs lose their form,

Makes these rays appear so,

Why do i see all these moving images

But not the little dark spot

in the iris of your eye

which keeps moving left and right, top and bottom

To figure out the complete presence,

And on not finding it,

stops searching it

You do not like my picking newspaper

At breakfast table

I respect that,

that is the natural thing to expect

Complete presence is what makes the life so meaningful

And I have been denying this to you for so long

On one pretext or other,

Being genuinely busy, as it were

And being busy effortful, effortlessly

 

 

4.03 april 3 09

Each with its own quota of insanity

 

 

You said I divide my life in spaces

Separate from each other

Each with its own quota of insanity

But also specific norms that are sanctified

By the urge to keep them separate

True I do that

But why do I do that

Honesty is not some thing you doubt

It is also not some thing I will ever violate

And yet I falter

You falter

We all falter

But the nature does not often

And even when it does

Like an autopoesis design

It corrects itself incrementally

As we do all the time always

But imperfectly

Some times half heartedly

Denying it and yet doing it

Let us resolve

To pursue  insanity

Wholeheartedly