anil gupta's blog

emptying the self is my wish
who said, dried
lemon powder
would not sap the pain
its in such transmutations
we find that moment
when it does not matter
if i am called insane

sparkles in your eye
bent neck
and a sigh
will they remain the same
even when i try
and fail to reply
all the calls
from the mountains high
just because of the broken sky
music is on
should i pawn
tell me
what should i pawn

dont tell me
why do i play
music full of tears
what do you
what one really bears

dont stay still
in this moist evening
nothing stays still
some vapours engulf the eyes
mask the tears
but they dont beg for mercy
nothing is forgiven here
every impulse is a blot
on a white wall of nothingness

i m a denuded steep slope
nothing stays here
stones roll down
leaves dry up and fly way
no one needs a shadow here
no one drinks a glass of wine
one just stays still
like a drop of dew embracing a glacier

walked in the rain
hoping that the stains will be washed
but they became stronger
deeper
did not know that i was bleeding from within
rain was not letting the wound dry

how does one heal a puncture
when tube is torn
and the path is full
of thorn

how little i could do
with all the wisdom,
and the peace interim,
flame of helplessness
swallowed her
and i am punished to be,
to be a mute victim

was it to make a flower bloom
that you burst
open a bud
not realizing the scars you left

you eroded the bank of a river
of trust
how will you sleep
any more
with your inner self so charred
how will you create
or mix the colours on your plate
will it not all
become just
a speck of dust

why should clouds be detained
at the door
of a draining music
sung by some one far away
and be not allowed to engulf
me, all of me,
when i have no respite
from being insoluble for so long
dissolve me
come cloud
dissolve me,
i am not tired of being myself
but now make me nothing, shunya
just shunya

dont blame me when i dont open the door
you keep murmuring
as if i dont listen
but there are a few rats
who are in my refuge
how do i betray their faith
can i not sustain your
expectation
without really going all the way
can i,
give me some time, will you
lovely cat, patient as you are,
impatient as i am

a cat crawled into the nest
but she was not looking for the eggs
she just wanted to clean up the place
before the dove returns and rests there
now, she has gone
and left the spaces elongated
the shadows became shorter
and the light dimmed
but the arms were tied behind the back
thats what had been demanded by the moments
trapped in the cervices
in the wall
which you wanted to seal,
fill with your smiles

and leave the void,
in between breaths slowly spaced,