anil gupta's blog

dont laugh, said the scattered leaves
one day you might be strewn all over
some hopes here, some dreams there
some leaves still green and some in colour

dont laugh, said the silent squirrel
you will have to account for all the bites
impatient wait, of a delayed spring
repulsed echo of depressing nights

dont laugh, said the scorched grass
who does not know, the pain of drought
when tears dry and the smiles get stuck
difference dilutes, between what is, and ought

dont awaken me
said the dried dream
but it was already the time to feed birds
their will prevailed
rays entered my room
carrying message of hope
but then they also painted
all the blank pages in my diary
with a paint of persistence
no matter what i wish to write
i must defer
to your wishes, Ma kaali

even if it means i lose the oars
with which to row my boat

will u steer my boat then, ok, take charge
but can you, when i dont know my destiny
will you carve the milestones
when the path is not yet paved??

you will insist
on having your way
it does not matter
what happens to the sprouts
that wither on the way
or the tender vines lose their support
the trees hosting their hopes
are denied nourishment
why should you have your way
why should all flowers
lose their seeds
why should all clouds decide to fly away
without raining in my garden
gardner has cleaned all the dried leaves
and the lawn seems worth walking
but the paths are strewn with
expectations
of meeting no resistance
by wind, trees, clouds, sprouts, vines

O kaali

will you let the river
flood my garden
and immerse all the idols
i sculpted
from the clay of the deep pond
outside your temple
they all looked alike
i did not want to keep them
and you will not oblige me
will not flood my garden
why should u deny me
the right of submersing all my creations
in the overflowing rover

you are worried that wayward waves
will scatter them outside your temple
and then people may start
using them to pray for you

Maa Kali: will you at least once,
pierce your sword through me?

take out all the darkness in my heart
and let all the blood drain
which has been nourished by
my memories
unauthorized by the guard
you had appointed
outside your temple
he was worried that
if i inhale all the aroma
of the flowers offered at your feet
i might lose my way

he did not let me manure
my memories
but then all the leaves
fallen from a tree
i had planted
to meditate
have nourished them
nothing happens any more, as i wish
is this the way you show your love
O Ma kaali

O Ma Kaali:

will you again forgive me?

dont,
this way, you will give me license
to forget what i should remember,
and remember
what i should forget,

there were two roads
one turning left and
the other ending in a bush,
after a while,
i did not want to decide
if the road should make a difference
to the journey
the leaves dried and fallen on the ground
near the bush
drew me closer
and the path ended but the journey began
this time, i will not
let the entropy of my inner self
resolve
how far will i sow the seeds of flowery shrubs
i will just walk, and whenever the
careless aroma
arrests my will
i will stop
and smile
laugh and
then let the wrinkles on my forehead erode

Tender be the touch
You have said so often
But having broken stones
Peeled the bark
And cut the wood
May be strikes are harder
Unwittingly often
How do I soften my touch
May be by forgetting
That I do
Just being there
May be enough

When I fail
To keep a word I give to myself
I avoid the mirrors
Even the mirrors of souls
Seen through those eyes
Which never tell lies
But that is not an answer
Can I stop failing
Can mirrors start forgiving

Having failed so many
So often
So deeply
Have I retained any right
To demand
Some thing better
But then
only when a
stone gests eroded
Silt and sand get made
Will potter be able to create
If rivers and rains will not destroy
May be some erosion of my self
Is necessary
To fertilise the dreams of others