anil gupta's blog

i have loved to be torn

by those who had

faith in me and had borne,

my love and affection, no matter

whethey call me names

or only shatter

their own self respect and desire to be pure

will you bestow your  kindness

and forgive them

who do not know

how i swallowed the poison

when  they lost their sense of proportion

my crime is my indulgence

even when i teach tolerance

May you decide

Kali whether i betrayed

any body’s faith

or dug a hole in my own boat

to make others smile

and remain afloat

in the flood of fury and anger

you still retain the mellowness and  scatter

your kindness and forgivance

may the world understand,

how well one keeps the distance

you have known that i do not play
hide and seek
with stars that light my sky
only now and then,
otherwise i love to live in amavasya
at least you can not see tears in my eyes
and my voice
lures you into the garden of gratitude towards
you
that i
feel all over

you become so benign some times
and are so ruthless
in another  moment
like a pendulum
your mood swings form one extreme to another
thats why, you harness so much energy
from life
tides once still, lose their purpose
you let me float aimlessly
like sea weed
may i fertilize your anger
lest you forget me and learn
to love
the placidity in the air
emanating from reassuring enclosure

when i tried to know Him
He changed so quickly His attitude towards me
i stopped trying
more i seek, more he changes
must be hard on Him
is not it??

why do you always forgive me

why do you lift the boat

about to sink

in the flood of failed desires

why have you repaired the sails

when storms had torn these away

you know that the wind was taking

my boat away from you,

yet you rejuvenated me

again and again

is that how

you punish

your favourite devotees!!!

do i still remain what i was

even after you have declared

the boundaries of what we thought

was accessible as

out of bound

why did you do it

is that the way you make us conscious

of what it means to deny,

delude and deceive ourselves

Kali 37
when wind could not blow the flowers i offered to you,
what do i do,
let the illusion persist
that you care
or do i just move on
quietly
assuming that these flowers have lost their freshness
goddess of cool breeze rejected these
why will u accept them

do u know Him
why did u ask
but why should  i know Him
He always plays
the game of dice
loaded with his grace
he tries to be nice

why will you feel shy

when asked to defy

the norms of the world

and tell me to die

are you still hoping

that turmoils will take place

some clouds  will move away

and some will  stay,

with all your tears, just in case

why will a knot remain still tied

regardless of your dilemma

will the spoken word ever suffice

how do i tell you

when i said, go away,

i had actually lied

do not be silly

move on as the ant did

picking up all her eggs

before the rain,

gather your memories

before these are washed away

in the flood of feelings this  time, so much rain

may not spare

the stains of subtle

simmerings that still take place in your heart