anil gupta's blog

i pray at your feet
o Kaali ma
lest you leave the path
on which you always walked
on your way to the peak
of that great hill
not far away
but now you may not see this side
the peak is still there
what has changed

your fire
is what i like most
so what
if i get wounded so much
that i can not even come close
healing may take years
but the fire must keep burning
may be with all the wind
that will blow your way
i pray

i am not seeking any reciprocity
nor any respect
just a silence
which i havev got in plenty
be as you are
a bit less of the awkward self
a bit more of generous self
a bit just as you are

when leaves dropped a few years ago
i did not protest,
i wil not do so even now,
may their journey be more meaningful
than mine,
may they fly to shores
where some ships are likely
to anchor soon
and then let souls of the sailors
hear the crackling sound
while these leaves dissolve themselves
without a murmur
in the waves uncertain, ferocious, impatient

when tears refracted all meanings
i was not sure
but i took these as they appeared
still remember them
oozing a truthfulness
but why then this doubt now
am i losing my ability to
embrace
the shadows
that are not sure
if to remain under darkness or
come under light to die

will not wait any more
the embers are desolate
how can i isolate
all the moments
which did not a purpose to happen
these were interspersed
with so many smiles
seemingly
just like that
but perhaps not
i am not a trader
i dont know the currency
of contrived values from these moments
let me stay here
you go
and show
your meanings to a linguist
who can decipher your intentions
from these web of actions

go
just go

let it go, my friend, let it
go

will you be
pouring the rain water
you conserved so hard
in a desert
in which there
are a very few flowers
in bloom
but there is a promise
uncertain, ambiguous
can storm every be sure
of being followed by rain???

notes of the last night
are like
waves that rested on the shores
but never exactly right
the notes of last night

the urges were vivacious,
quest was ambiguous
did i rel;lay tell u, that
resolution did not seem in sight
the notes of the last night

envelop of the letter, seemed a bit torn
did you feel as it was just a sleight
no matter what i left unsaid
it was an arduous journey, of staying upright
notes of the last night

not an easy path
who knows,
who invites whose wrath
simply for having told the truth
that made us both very fragile
but then dont we
really meet sublimely
in a sea of gratefulness
for all the grace one showers
on others
without any expectations
as if seeds are scattered
all around without knowing
under whose shade
will our grandchildren sit